[zid_master]

Lawyer Losses

A very successful lawyer parks his brand new BMW in front of his office, ready to show it off to his colleagues.
    As he is getting out, a truck comes along too close and completely tears off the driver's door.
    A cop is in the vicinity and comes over to investigate. Before he has the chance to ask any question, the lawyer turns hysterical and starts screaming about how his Beemer, which he had just purchased the day before, is completely ruined and will never be the same again, no matter how much repair is put into it.
    After a while the lawyer calms down. The cop shakes his head and remarks: "I can't believe how materialistic you are. you are so focused on your new car that you fail to realise something more serious."
    "And what is that?" the lawyer snarls.
    The cop replies: "Don't you even notice that your right arm is missing? It was severed when the truck hit you!"
    "Oh my God!" screams the lawyer. "My Rolex!!!"

LOL.. xD

*i just want to make a thread for me to post anything that i find its funny so that i can share it with u guys. so i will just post it here after this. i dont know if this is in the right section. if its not in the right section please help me to move it to the right section.

[Cooky]

funny

[Iridion]

poor bmw

[ghostkid17]

lol 

[-Speedy-]

hahaha.

[zid_master]

Text romance

A wife sends her husband a romantic text.
    "If you are sleeping, send me your dreams. If you are laughing, send me your smile. If you are eating, send me a bite. If you are drinking, send me a drop. If you are crying, send me your tears. I love you."
    The husband replies: "I'm taking a dump. Please advice."

LOL.. xD

[qolderman]

Text romance

A wife sends her husband a romantic text.
    "If you are sleeping, send me your dreams. If you are laughing, send me your smile. If you are eating, send me a bite. If you are drinking, send me a drop. If you are crying, send me your tears. I love you."
    The husband replies: "I'm taking a dump. Please advice."

LOL.. xD

Old

[zid_master]

Four-letter words.

A young couple gets married and goes on their honeymoon.
    When they return home, the woman immediately calls up
her mother.
    Her mother asks: "How was the honeymoon?"
    "Oh, mama, the honeymoon was wonderful! So romantic,"
the daughter replies.
    Then she bursts into tears.
    "But, mama, as soon as we came home, Sam started using
the most horrible language- words I've never heard before! I mean,
all those awful four-letter words. you've to come get me and take
me home, mama."
    Her mother shocked: "Tell me, what could be so awful? what
four-letter words?"
    Sobbing, the daughter says: "Oh, mama, words like DUST,
WASH, IRON, COOK!"

LOL.. xD

[Iridion]

[hur9]

funny

(click to show/hide)

[Corr]

lol lawyers always win in the end.

[zid_master]

You're kidding.

A man places an order for a voice-activated car
that does anything he tells it to do.
    When the car arrives, he tests it and finds to his
satisfaction that the car carries out all instructions
without error.
    One day, his wife tells him to pick up their kids
Bob and Jill from school.
    So the man orders the car: "Go and bring my
children home from school."
    The car goes off, and takes longer than usual. The
couple begins to worry and is about to call the cops
when the car returns with full load of children - the
landlady's two daughters, their choir mistress's two
sons, his wife's best friend's daughter, their pastor's
son and their neighbor's three sons.
    The wife starts to shout at her husband: What?
Don't tell me all these are your children!
    The man respond calmly: "Before you all go high
and mighty on me, first tell me why Bob and Jill are
not on the car."

LOL.. xD

funny

(click to show/hide)

lol.. nice one.. :p

[JetSurge]

(click to show/hide)

A man places an order for a voice-activated car
that does anything he tells it to do.
    When the car arrives, he tests it and finds to his
satisfaction that the car carries out all instructions
without error.
    One day, his wife tells him to pick up their kids
Bob and Jill from school.
    So the man orders the car: "Go and bring my
children home from school."
    The car goes off, and takes longer than usual. The
couple begins to worry and is about to call the cops
when the car returns with full load of children - the
landlady's two daughters, their choir mistress's two
sons, his wife's best friend's daughter, their pastor's
son and their neighbor's three sons.
    The wife starts to shout at her husband: What?
Don't tell me all these are your children!
    The man respond calmly: "Before you all go high
and mighty on me, first tell me why Bob and Jill are
not on the car."

lol

[qolderman]

funny

(click to show/hide)

I don't get it

[zid_master]

A math problem.

A little boy is doing his math homework
and saying:
   "2+5, the son of a b**ch is 7."
   "3+6, the son of a b**ch is 9."
   His mother overhears and asks:
"Son, what are you doing?"
   Boy: "I'm doing my math homework."
   Mom: "Is that how your teacher taught
you?"
   Boy: "Yes."
   Infuriated, the mother asks the teacher
the next day: "What are you teaching my
son in mathematics?"
   Teacher: "Right now we are learning
addition."
   Mom: "And why is my son saying 2+2,
the son of a b**ch is 4?"
   Teacher: "What i taught them was, 2+2,
the sum of which is 4.

LOL.. xD

[Iridion]

A math problem.

A little boy is doing his math homework
and saying:
    "2+5, the son of a b**ch is 7."
    "3+6, the son of a b**ch is 9."
    His mother overhears and asks:
"Son, what are you doing?"
    Boy: "I'm doing my math homework."
    Mom: "Is that how your teacher taught
you?"
    Boy: "Yes."
    Infuriated, the mother asks the teacher
the next day: "What are you teaching my
son in mathematics?"
    Teacher: "Right now we are leaning
addition."
    Mom: "And why is my son saying 2+2,
the son of a b**ch is 4?"
    Teacher: "What i taught them was, 2+2,
the sum of which is 4.

LOL.. xD

pls stop using hard to read blue text

[qolderman]

A math problem.

A little boy is doing his math homework
and saying:
    "2+5, the son of a b**ch is 7."
    "3+6, the son of a b**ch is 9."
    His mother overhears and asks:
"Son, what are you doing?"
    Boy: "I'm doing my math homework."
    Mom: "Is that how your teacher taught
you?"
    Boy: "Yes."
    Infuriated, the mother asks the teacher
the next day: "What are you teaching my
son in mathematics?"
    Teacher: "Right now we are leaning
addition."
    Mom: "And why is my son saying 2+2,
the son of a b**ch is 4?"
    Teacher: "What i taught them was, 2+2,
the sum of which is 4.

LOL.. xD

LOL

[zid_master]

Dirty Mind

Guess these words:
1. Boo_s
2. __ndom
3. F__k
4. P_n_s
5. Pu_s_
6. S_x

Answers:
1. Books. 2. Random. 3. Fork.
4. Pants. 5. Pulse. 6. Six.
    You got all of them wrong didn't
you, you dirty-minded fella.

LOL.. xD

[IDiiL]

1. Boots/boobs
2. Random
3. ****
4. Pinas
5. *****
6 Sux/sex

[qolderman]

Dirty Mind

Guess these words:
1. Boo_s
2. __ndom
3. F__k
4. P_n_s
5. Pu_s_
6. S_x

Answers:
1. Books. 2. Random. 3. Fork.
4. Pants. 5. Pulse. 6. Six.
    You got all of them wrong didn't
you, you dirty-minded fella.

LOL.. xD

Old but funny

[Cooky]

Guess these words:
2. __ndom

I don't get what that's supposed to be

[-Speedy-]

Guess these words:
2. __ndom

I don't get what that's supposed to be

Suppose to be condom. It you meant in the dirty mind way.

[zid_master]

FAQs

Kids to mom:
"I'm hungry."
"I'm cold."
"I'm hot."
"Can I have ..."
"I want to ..."
"Where are you?"
"Can you ask Dad?"
"can you help me to ..."
"He hurt me."
"She hurt me."
"When are we ..."
"Why is it that ..."
"Why can't we ..."

Kids to dad:
"where's Mom?"

LOL.. xD

[qolderman]

FAQs

Kids to mom:
"I'm hungry."
"I'm cold."
"I'm hot."
"Can I have ..."
"I want to ..."
"Where are you?"
"Can you ask Dad?"
"can you help me to ..."
"He hurt me."
"She hurt me."
"When are we ..."
"Why is it that ..."
"Why can't we ..."

Kids to dad:
"where's Mom?"

LOL.. xD

true lol

[zid_master]

Barbie's belongings

A father goes into a toy shop to buy a
birthday present for his daughter.
  "How much for one of those Barbies in
the display window?" he asks the salesgirl.
  "Which one do u mean sir? We have
Work Out Barbie, Shopping Barbie, Beach
Barbie, Disco Barbie, Ballerina Barbie,
Astronaut Barbie and Skater Barbie - all for
$19.95. We also have Divorced Barbie but
she costs $265.95."
  "What? Why is Divorced Barbie so much
more expensive?" the man asks.
  "Well, sir, Divorced Barbie comes with
Ken's car, Ken's house, Ken's boat, Ken's
furniture, Ken's computer, Ken's..."

LOL.. xD

[Cooky]

lol at  the divorced barbie one

[qolderman]

lol at  the divorced barbie one

[Iridion]

lol at  the divorced barbie one

[Thornz]

Lol, these are all pretty good. I like the divorced Barbie and the automatic car the best XD

[zid_master]

Helping hand

Help someone when they are in
trouble and they will remember
you when they are in trouble again.

LOL.. xD

[zid_master]

Frankly speaking.

Four guys have been going to deer camp for
many years.
  Two days before the group is to leave for camp,
Frank's wife puts her foot down and tells him he
isn't going.
  Frank's friends are very upset that he won't be
joining them, but they can't do anything about it.
  When they arrive at the camp site, they are sur-
prised to find Frank there with the tent set up, the
fire going and dinner cooking.
  "How did you talk your wife into letting you join
us?" his friends ask.
  "Well, I was in bed reading and my wife came in
wearing see-through lingerie. She also had hand-
cuffs and a rope. She told me to tie her up and cuff
her to the bed, so I did. Then she said: 'Do what-
ever you want.' So here I am."

LOL.. xD

[qolderman]

^ loool

[zid_master]

Pirate parts.

A PIRATE walks into a bar.
 Bartender: "Hey, I haven't seen you in a while.
What happened? You're a mess!"
 Pirate: "What do you mean? I'm fine."
 Bartender: "What's with the wooden leg? You
didn't have that before."
 Pirate: "Well, we were in a sea battle and a can-
non ball smashed my leg. But now it's patched up.
I'm fine, really."
 Bartender: "What about that hook? Last time I
saw you, you had both hand.
 Pirate: "Well we were in another battle and I
was in a sword fight. My hand got cut off. But I've
been fitted with this hook, and I feel great, really."
 Bartender: "What about your eye patch then?
Last time you were in here, you had both eyes."
 Pirate: "Well, one day out at the sea, some gulls
were flying over us. I looked up, and one of them
shat in my eye."
 Bartender: "So what happened? You couldn't
have lost eye just from bird sh*t."
 Pirate: "Well. I wasn't used to the hook yet, you
see."

LOL.. xD