I don't have many FML stories. But I has funny life stories, that you may either laugh at or find offensive. We'll see how this goes.
Back story: I met this girl one facebook, we hung out and got food. We had a great time making small talk about nothing that matters. Unfortunately it was my night to babysit, so no late night visitors. I drove her home, and we made plans to hang out on the weekend.
So the next day some friends and I decided we were gonna go to a store to get acquire some supplies for our apartment.
One of my buddies suggests we pick up this real sweet girl he knows. (Sweet girl is our term for slut). We agree of course, and begin throwing up ideas. Such as, "lets run train on this girl" There were three of us). He follows by telling us that him and another friend had already double teamed her. So whats one more and two new guys? He calls her up, she answers.
Friend1: "Hey wanna go to the store with me and some friends?"
Girl : "Yeah, it's kinda late though".
Friend1: It's okay, you won't be out too late".
Girl: "okay, come get me".
She sends us the address and we head on up to get her. My friend doesn't bother telling us her name, and quite frankly, I didn't really care. As we get closer to this girls house, I wonder to myself, "Does she have any idea what's about to happen?" Then I chuckled and thought, "I can't wait to tell everyone". The car ride was loud, and we were listening to Eminem, all of a sudden I start to notice the neighborhood. I think to myself, "Why is this so familiar?"
We pull up on the girls street, and complete shock overtook me. It was facebook girl. She swiftly ran up to me and gave me a hug. All I could remember thinking was, "Not you". Thus, my dreams of meeting a reliable non slutty girl was shattered. Although it was a surprise, I wouldn't let it ruin what could be one of the funniest stories of my life. She gets in the car, we pull off, and we all get settled in. I had the back seat already, so I decided why not make the first move? Before I could even move an inch, my friend climbs from the front seat to the back. He has the craziest grin on his face.
Out of no where, the girl and him are fooling around, but I wouldn't let myself be the odd man out. I do what we call the, " whip it out technique". She sees it, and goes for it. Like a fish for bait. as my friend starts to undress her in the back of the car, we were quickly stopped by flashing blue/red lights. For some reason the driver wasn't watching the road, and was swerving between lanes. My guess was, the half naked chick but who knows. the girl thinks on her feet because before I knew it my junk was covered and she had on her jacket. The cop does his thing, tells us to be careful, and goes on his way. We decided to wait till we reached out destination to continue any further activities.
As we on embarking on our journey to said store, I realize that our plan is only half done. We have the girl, but where are we gonna execute this not-so well thought out idea of ours. I send a text to my friend,
ME: Where are we gonna do this?
Friend1: The store restrooms, duh.
Me: Are you serious?
Friend1: Yes, she knows the drill, we've done it before.
Me: You're the boss.
We continue our conversation and a full plan finally comes out. I would get the shopping done, while him, her, and the other friend head to the restroom to get down to business. I contested being the last to go in, but he has a way with convincing my that his ways are best.
Finally, we arrive. Pull in, and begin our plan. I walk through the store with more anticipation than I had had in a long time. I was almost like a child on his first day of school. Wondering what wonderful things were gonna happen. I get everything, pay, and take it to the car. I re-enter the store, and head for the restroom. Friend number two is walking towards, with a look of disappointment.
"What happened," I asked.
Friend2: Someone walked in, we have a new plan.
Me: Lets hear it!
Friend2: We're gonna take her back to norwood, and bring her to the hotel.
Me: I'm not paying for a hotel. Just to get it in with some hoe.
Friend2: Nah man, we know how to get in. There is a opening to the basement, we're just gonna take her there, do the damn thing, and bounce
Me: How is she getting back home? I have no more gas money.
Friend2:Bounce
Me: We're gonna leave her, 20 miles from her house?
Friend2: Yes
Me: Okay, I'm down.
We had to the car, and wait for the unsuspecting girl to arrive with friend1.
They hop in the car, we head to the hotel. The details of what exactly happened are a bit intense. I will add that the train did successfully depart, photos were taken as proof. An a story for the books had been added. I was the first in. I felt that if I could finish first, I could just leave and the other two would be stuck with her. My plan worked. I finished, and said, "Thanks, it was nice. Hey guys, I'm going to get food, bye." I quickly exited and went straight to the closest white castle. I ordered the sack of mozzarella cheese sticks, and a sack of chicken rings. This meal was one of my most enjoyable.
A few minutes later, friend2 arrived and we ate and laughed hysterically. Friend1 arrived shortly after that.
Me: how'd you get rid of her?
Friend1: I ran
The phone calls started pouring in, first him, then me. She was on a roll. I think between the two of us it was about 60 calls. I mean, I would do the same. Eventually she gave up, and stopped calling. We figured she had got the point. About 15 minutes of no contact from her, and we started getting curious. We had decided to sneak down, and see what she was up to. We took the back roads, and went through back yards. We felt like Suburban ninjas. We got into viewing distance of the hotel, and saw it; The girl was sitting in what could have been mistaken as the fetal position. she had her body wrapped in a ball, and her phone glued to her ear. We laughed, and decided it was about time to call it a night. One last look at the helpless damsel, and we took the stroll home. Our heads held high, our spirits higher than they had been in a long time. That night, was a win.