[zid_master]

Lawyer Losses

A very successful lawyer parks his brand new BMW in front of his office, ready to show it off to his colleagues.
    As he is getting out, a truck comes along too close and completely tears off the driver's door.
    A cop is in the vicinity and comes over to investigate. Before he has the chance to ask any question, the lawyer turns hysterical and starts screaming about how his Beemer, which he had just purchased the day before, is completely ruined and will never be the same again, no matter how much repair is put into it.
    After a while the lawyer calms down. The cop shakes his head and remarks: "I can't believe how materialistic you are. you are so focused on your new car that you fail to realise something more serious."
    "And what is that?" the lawyer snarls.
    The cop replies: "Don't you even notice that your right arm is missing? It was severed when the truck hit you!"
    "Oh my God!" screams the lawyer. "My Rolex!!!"

LOL.. xD

*i just want to make a thread for me to post anything that i find its funny so that i can share it with u guys. so i will just post it here after this. i dont know if this is in the right section. if its not in the right section please help me to move it to the right section.

[Cooky]

funny

[Iridion]

poor bmw

[ghostkid17]

lol 

[-Speedy-]

hahaha.

[zid_master]

Text romance

A wife sends her husband a romantic text.
    "If you are sleeping, send me your dreams. If you are laughing, send me your smile. If you are eating, send me a bite. If you are drinking, send me a drop. If you are crying, send me your tears. I love you."
    The husband replies: "I'm taking a dump. Please advice."

LOL.. xD

[qolderman]

Text romance

A wife sends her husband a romantic text.
    "If you are sleeping, send me your dreams. If you are laughing, send me your smile. If you are eating, send me a bite. If you are drinking, send me a drop. If you are crying, send me your tears. I love you."
    The husband replies: "I'm taking a dump. Please advice."

LOL.. xD

Old

[zid_master]

Four-letter words.

A young couple gets married and goes on their honeymoon.
    When they return home, the woman immediately calls up
her mother.
    Her mother asks: "How was the honeymoon?"
    "Oh, mama, the honeymoon was wonderful! So romantic,"
the daughter replies.
    Then she bursts into tears.
    "But, mama, as soon as we came home, Sam started using
the most horrible language- words I've never heard before! I mean,
all those awful four-letter words. you've to come get me and take
me home, mama."
    Her mother shocked: "Tell me, what could be so awful? what
four-letter words?"
    Sobbing, the daughter says: "Oh, mama, words like DUST,
WASH, IRON, COOK!"

LOL.. xD

[Iridion]

[hur9]

funny

(click to show/hide)

[Corr]

lol lawyers always win in the end.

[zid_master]

You're kidding.

A man places an order for a voice-activated car
that does anything he tells it to do.
    When the car arrives, he tests it and finds to his
satisfaction that the car carries out all instructions
without error.
    One day, his wife tells him to pick up their kids
Bob and Jill from school.
    So the man orders the car: "Go and bring my
children home from school."
    The car goes off, and takes longer than usual. The
couple begins to worry and is about to call the cops
when the car returns with full load of children - the
landlady's two daughters, their choir mistress's two
sons, his wife's best friend's daughter, their pastor's
son and their neighbor's three sons.
    The wife starts to shout at her husband: What?
Don't tell me all these are your children!
    The man respond calmly: "Before you all go high
and mighty on me, first tell me why Bob and Jill are
not on the car."

LOL.. xD

funny

(click to show/hide)

lol.. nice one.. :p

[JetSurge]

(click to show/hide)

A man places an order for a voice-activated car
that does anything he tells it to do.
    When the car arrives, he tests it and finds to his
satisfaction that the car carries out all instructions
without error.
    One day, his wife tells him to pick up their kids
Bob and Jill from school.
    So the man orders the car: "Go and bring my
children home from school."
    The car goes off, and takes longer than usual. The
couple begins to worry and is about to call the cops
when the car returns with full load of children - the
landlady's two daughters, their choir mistress's two
sons, his wife's best friend's daughter, their pastor's
son and their neighbor's three sons.
    The wife starts to shout at her husband: What?
Don't tell me all these are your children!
    The man respond calmly: "Before you all go high
and mighty on me, first tell me why Bob and Jill are
not on the car."

lol

[qolderman]

funny

(click to show/hide)

I don't get it

[zid_master]

A math problem.

A little boy is doing his math homework
and saying:
   "2+5, the son of a b**ch is 7."
   "3+6, the son of a b**ch is 9."
   His mother overhears and asks:
"Son, what are you doing?"
   Boy: "I'm doing my math homework."
   Mom: "Is that how your teacher taught
you?"
   Boy: "Yes."
   Infuriated, the mother asks the teacher
the next day: "What are you teaching my
son in mathematics?"
   Teacher: "Right now we are learning
addition."
   Mom: "And why is my son saying 2+2,
the son of a b**ch is 4?"
   Teacher: "What i taught them was, 2+2,
the sum of which is 4.

LOL.. xD