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a story i am writing

Started by lugiaXDG009, September 16, 2012, 11:45:44 AM

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lugiaXDG009

September 16, 2012, 11:45:44 AM Last Edit: December 30, 2012, 09:40:24 AM by lugiaXDG009
its still in very early stages but i decided i would share it with you all

if you have any criticism it is much appreciated and if you have any questions about the story i don't mind answering them just message me or post it on this thread and i will try and reply asap

if it is well received or not i will be posting monthly or weekly whatever your choice is as of now i will be releasing monthly due to my situation with tests and school

please keep in mind that i plan on becoming a game developer and this is most likely going to be my first game (though i am planning on splitting it into 3 parts)

the current title is still a work in progress if you have any suggestions just message me or post it on this thread and i will check them out, the current title is:

The Elementalist

now then i am quite done rambling here is the story

As he staggered to the brink, he stared back into the distance. He saw nothing of importance but continued to stare...Hoping for something to happen and counter the bleakness of his situation.

He reached the edge of his new prison and sat down, thinking of things long passed. He had spent a thousand years living in his deep sorrow, wishing for death. Yet now, here he was. Finally giving up on his wish. But stuck in this mid dimension. He had thought of the grip of death as a gift, yet he fought against it.

And now he sat wondering how it all began.

How things could have been different. But he never once wanted to change his past. He firmly believed you should never change the experiences that made you. But he still harbored hopes that could have been fulfilled with a simple thought.

He had been eighteen for so long now. That fateful birthday was when this all started, how he ended up here.

"And besides, if I am going to be here for an eternity, I might as well reminisce about the old days", he thought to himself, a pained smile touching his lips.

It began on that fateful day, the minute he turned eighteen.

"Hey James, do you see that meteor?" his friend, Marshal remarked.
"Wow! How pretty does that look, daddy!" exclaimed his little niece.
"I don't know, I feel like it isn't some normal rock"...Oh how he wished that feeling was misplaced.
"Hey, it looks like it is going to land real close. You wanna go check it out?" asked Jenna, already grabbing her keys from her bag.
"I'm in!"
"Guys, I really don't feel like we should be going after some rock. Let's just sit here at the barbeque and leave it alone."
"Oh come on, what's the worst that could happen James? It's not like it'll be the death of us and besides, it's not every day you see a meteor right?"

As Jenna reversed the car, he locked his gaze on the garden. The statues looked more ominous than usual. They seemed more alive. In fact, he could have sworn one of them blinked.
"Hey, do you remember where the meteor was heading?"
"Weren't you the one that wanted to see it most? How didn't you notice the direction?"
"Now why would I bother remembering when James is here?"
"Hmm? What? Oh, the meteor. It went west."
"Hey come on, cheer up! Nothing bad's gonna happen."
He wished that were true.

At the time, he tried to believe it would all be fine. But he could never shake that feeling that this was something they should avoid.

The drive was uneventful. Eventually, they reached a small park wehre it had landed, leaving a crater the size of a small car.
"Wow, look at that!" exclaimed Jenna, jumping out of the car.
"Is it glowing purple?"
The clouds seemed to move faster around the area, the trees seemed to lean away from this rock. The air was deathly still, as if it had somehow been murdered by the appearance of this rock.
"Alright, you've seen it. Can we go back now?"
"What's the rush? It's not like anything's gonna happen. You need to chill out!"
"Umm, guys... Are meteors supposed to be moving?"
"Of course not, what are yo-"

They just stared in awe as the rock began to morph.


It tried to take one shape but seemed to decide against it and opted for another shape entirely. It grew wings. Then it grew appendages, opting for claws instead of normal hands. And finally it created it's head. It more closely resembled a creature of myth.
It's head seemed as if a dragons'. But it lacked the snout and scales.
It had horns resembling a satyrs', but it was no where near the resemblance of a ram.
It stood up with a muscular stone body, teeth bare and claws sharper than any blade. It's eyes pulsating a deep dark violet.
"We need to get to the car! Guys come on, we gotta make a run for it!"
They both stood there as if they had been turned to stone.
"GUYS WE NEED TO GO NOW!"
He made a grab for their arms, then the scenery rushed past him. He swore he might have broken a rib from the landing. The last thing he saw was the creature, wings spread wide and moving ever closer to him. Then all he saw was darkness.


As she stared at the now red sky, she heard the familiar sound of a door closing behind her.
"Sis, is there something wrong? Why's the sky red?"
"Dunno... Get your sister and wait here. I'm going to check it out."
"Alright, be careful."
She knew he could not see it or he would have questioned it.
At the point where she had seen the meteor land was a tower of black energy.
She fastened the strap on her rifle, checked the scope, took a few extra clips and headed straight for it. She just hoped it wasn't something too dangerous.


Light filled his eyes.
He waited for them to readjust, and tried to stand. Arms still move. Still feel legs. No pain in back. He was all set to go.
He looked around. There was nothing here anymore, not even the creature. The sky was red and he couldn't see the park's trees.
"Did I get launched into the other street?"
He looked around once more and headed towards the park.
He ran frantically, his only hope was that he was only out cold for a few seconds. His chest felt like it was about to explode. He did break a rib, in fact, he wouldn't be surprised if five or more were shattered.
He saw no one and no sign of movement, or that there was anyone here. The car was still where Jenna left it and the engine was dead cold.
They may be at the old building near the outskirts of town... It may be old, it is a viable shelter, and it wasn't a far run." he said, to give his brain something to think about other than 'that'...
He stopped running as he neared the entry. It was still barred shut and it's old windows were unbroken, barring the ones he remembered were broken. As he neared the door, his senses were going crazy. He was getting the same feeling about opening this door as when the meteor flew over head. He unbarred the door and held on to the metal rod. It might make some sort of defense. If that thing was in here...
The pain was almost too much to bare.
For some reason, a different stone creature stood before him. It resembled the meteor slightly, but still had features of a normal statue.






It had immense strength. The metal bar was at it's end. And he had no where left to go.
"How did I get into this mess!?"
The thing neared. He knew he was no match for it, especially if this rod snapped.
He made a lunge. And immediately felt the air rush up beneath him, till his eyes only saw a void of darkness once more.


As she walked her warpath, she ****ed her rifle again.
"Should have brought more ammo..."
She took another two shots at the statue in front of her. Three more closing in on her right.
"Come on, just stay down you......."
Three shots this time.
Only the knock-back from her rounds was keeping her alive. She may have been a gifted sniper, but even she couldn't survive long fighting never-dying enemies.
"Tch, this is really starting to annoy me. Why won't you just DIE!"
She launched a shot at it's arm, it was a lucky shot. The creature disintegrated before her eyes. She could tell how lucky that shot was. She had only missed her target area, the shoulder, slightly.
"So is that your weak-point, or is it different for everyone!?"
She took a few pot shots at different areas on the three coming closer.
"I should have definitely brought more ammo..."


He woke to an open room. The rod was gone and he could still feel his body. He almost passed out from moving. His arm was definitely broken, he managed to get a few more broken ribs and he could feel the pain in his left shoulder. He was lucky it wasn't dislocated too badly. It popped back when he put a little pressure on it. His head was screaming and he could feel something wet on his leg.
"Well, at least I'll die knowing I somehow took one down with me."
He stared at the creature laying on the ground near him.
He saw something glinting on his right. He was careful to walk straight. The walkway wasn't too thin but it was dangerous to stagger to any side. And it was a nice little drop. He seemed to have gotten lucky to land on the thicker circle in the middle. He reached the thing that had shown itself.
"What's a sword doing down here?"
There was something else near this blade. It looked like a pitch black cloak.
The sword was huge, definitely heavy. It wasn't much of a choice for a weapon to use, and it was grounded pretty nicely. It seemed like it might have been half submerged.
There was no way out anyway, so he decided to extend what little energy and tolerance he had, to try pulling out this blade. If anything, he wanted to know how long it really was.
He gripped the handle of the blade. His vision suddenly filled with pure white light, the room disappeared and he was standing in an empty space.


As he stared around this empty space, his pains began to disappear.
"So you're it."
He turned, looking for this unknown voice.
"What a waste. Your not even an ice origin."
His eyes finally looked on a rugged man, looking to be in his late twenties, maybe even his early thirties.
"Well, whatever. It's my job to impart the knoweldge unto the selected one."
His voice was quite husky and he seemed haggard, as if he didn't even want to be here.
"Have fun while you can kid. Your origin always seems to have a shitty life, oh, and one more thing. If you have any questions, ask the rags next to the sword."
The man then took his arm. The pain was immense. His whole arm had gone numb in seconds and the shocks of pain traveled through his entire body.
"There, the seal's been made. Now then I guess I can go now."
As he said this, the man's feet began to turn into ice.
"What?"
"Don't worry. I lived a long enough life. You'll see it soon enough anyway."
"Wait! But I still need to ask you something."
"You don't pay attention much, do you?"
"You said something about an origin. I need to know what that is."
"Ugh.... Alright, I'll give ya a freebie kid."
"Your origin is the element that we most embodied, mine was ice, another of our ancestors was fire...get what i mean?"
"So then what was mine?"
"I already gave you a freebie kid. Now you could just let me fade in peace, I've had enough of living anyway, way too boring now that no one i know is still alive."
"But what the hell is even happening?"
"Ahh, that you'll see soon enough kid."
"But-"
"You really don't understand the meaning of a peaceful death, do ya kid?"
As he said this, the ice finished engulfing him. And then it just blew away.


He looked at where the searing pain had come from when the man touched him. As he stared at them, they seemed to change colour. Sometimes red, sometimes yellow, Green, brown, and sometimes lime. As he stared he found himself feeling tired. His eyelids grew heavier. And soon the white space seemed to become a dark space of dreams.
When he opened his eyes, once again he could see the familiar room that he had been in before he touched the sword.
"Was it all a dream?"
"Ugh, what a shit time to have a dream."
He looked around the empty room. Nothing there.
The sword was gone, and so was the cloak.
"Was I dreaming this whole time?"
He stared down at his arm. Why was he wearing a jacket now? And why did he feel like something was behind him? He rolled up the sleeve to inspect his arm, which still hurt a little. He assumed it was the fall.
He didn't get the sleeve very far.
He heard something behind him. He stared in horror as the creature seemed to be pulling itself back together. But there was something different. It wasn't just stone anymore. There was some sort of black smoke coming from it.
"What the hell is that?"
He weighed his options. It was either fight without a weapon or jump.
He still had time, so he tried to think of a third option.
"So how long are you gonna stand there newbie? I don't exactly wanna stay here for an eternity..."
"Wha-"


"Wh-who's there?!"
"Over here... No, not behind you dumbass, I'm on you. Didn't wonder where the jacket came from, did you..."
"Wait, what?"
"Uugh. Why did I get stuck with an idiot."
He could see the creature beginning to re-assemble itself. If he was going to ask questions, he'd need to get out of here first.
"Alright, whatever we need to get out of here."
"Really, I hadn't noticed our dire situation... Would you like a medal for stating the obvious? Maybe a cookie for all the brain power you used?"
"Can it loin cloth and help me figure out how to get out of here."
"I am not a loin cloth."
"Fine, you're just a useless rag that isn't deserving of acknowledgement until you decide to help."
"Fine you want my help. Here's a suggestion, why don't you use some of those powers you were just given?"
"And how would I use these supposed powers?"
"Put some thought into it?"
"Alright."
He looked up. If he had gotten here somehow from up top, maybe there was a hole up there. He began to imagine what he wanted to happen. He wanted to fly up high enough to get through the hole.
.....................
Nothing?
"Hey, it's not working."
"It only works to an extent."
"Ok, well, what's the extent of this?"
"The power your using now can enhance physical abilities."
"Ok so..."
He locked the thought in his mind and got ready, knees bent and...


She could hear them getting closer.
"One more clip."
Not ideal but it was do-able.
"Let's see one... two... three."
Three on her left and two more in the distance that were sure to hear the gunshots. She had five in her last clip.
"One shot is definitely not what I want."
She checked over her shoulder. She started to notice some smoke rising from certain spots in those things.
"Might as well get this over with."
Her mission for this fight was to at least save two bullets in the clip. So she had no room for error on this one.
"That's right, line up."
She loosed her shot. It penetrated the first where she saw the 'leak' and only just made it through the second.
"Time to move."
Three left and four in the clip, she was definitely going against the odds.
"Who knew blowing up statues could be so much fun."


He had reached the top. It was a colossal jump. He didn't know how far he had gone but he knew it was definitely unnatural.
"You gonna keep hanging here or are you gonna get us on to safe solid ground?"
"Right."
The ruins he was in seemed to have caved in. Where he was now was open area. No place to hide.
"I can hear them getting closer. What else did I get?"
"Your going off a freebie right now, you can use your origin to your heart's content for this fight, but I still wouldn't go too crazy, I've had idiots like yourself destroy themselves from overusing their life energy."
"Life energy?"
"Just don't get used to the amount of power you'll use now. It's only temporary due to the releasing process."
"Right, so how does it work?"
"It's the same as before dumbass Think about what you want it to do and tell it to do it."
"Right well, how do I know I'm using it?"
"Just let the energy flow through you. It'll start up eventually."
He did as he was told. He calmed himself and let the tingling pain move through him. It began to hurt less, and he began to feel it move towards his hands. He stared down at them.
Crimson in the right....
dark blue in the left...
"Hmm, intriguing."
He stared at the crimson. He could feel it's warmth throughout his body. He felt happier. Even in this dire situation, he felt like everything would go fine.
Then his focus wondered to the dark blue. He only felt cold from it's flickering aura. He felt anger, sorrow and hopelessness fill his thoughts, and he felt the cold focus of death grip him tightly. He tore his eyes away from the still aura of the crimson and the moving aura of the dark blue, to stare into the distance.
He could hear their approach. His first fight with this new power was beginning. And he could feel at that moment, that this wouldn't be the only one.

He needed a plan of action. Where he was now wasn't a good place. They could sneak up on him behind walls, or even attack from above. He made to run in the direction just east of where he could hear them.
But he was already trapped.
They had surrounded him in no time.
"Fu–!"
He jumped back. The razor sharp claws sliced into the rock that would have been him. He could hear them everywhere. Then he felt a slight wind on his neck. He looked back just in time to see one of them jumping off a nearby ledge. He couldn't dodge it. And he had nothing to shield himself with. He was about to lose this whole battle without even fighting back.
He wished he had a shield to hold the attack off. He brought up his right arm ad closed his eyes. He braced for impact.
...
Nothing?
He opened his eyes.
The creature was stooped dead in mid air. Around him he could see the translucent crimson shell that had saved him.
"Did I do this?"
All he had done was think of his situation if he had a shield, but this was beyond his beliefs.
"If I understand this properly..."
He set another thought in his mind. He felt the air ripple, and then...
..it burst out in a crimson wave. The creature was sent flying. But the ones near the shell were only knocked back a couple metres.
"I need something to hurt them with."
He needed a weapon. Something to hurt them from a distance. He could already feel the energy diverting. His left arm began to pulse. He could feel it telling him what to do. He set the thought. He was going for a sharp and fast piercing shot. He aimed his hand at the nearest creature and let the though play out. The shot left at the speed of a bullet, going straight through five of them. But they just shrugged it off. He could see, to his dismay, the wounds closing up.
"Maybe a bigger caliber."
He had to work fast. He needed to start taking these things out before he was overwhelmed. But he still needed one key piece of information. He didn't know how to keep them dead.

The idea worked. He managed to get the spikes to stick into the creatures and keep an open wound. But they weren't slowing down much. He needed something to bring them down.
"Hey, you got any ideas about how to keep these things down?"
"I'm not exactly made for combat you know. I only understand the basics of your powers."
"Come on, you don't have any idea as to how to keep these things down?"
"No. Figure it out yourself."
"God damn it you useless piece of crap."
He still hadn't tried one thing
"Maybe..."
He set the thought in his mind. He hoped this would work. The missile launched and lodged into the creature. Then he tried setting another thought to get the spike to do it.....
Nothing.
Dang.
He had really run out of ideas now. He only hoped he could think of something while he fought.

She still had two bullets in the clip. But those things were just running past her now. It seemed like they were heading to one spot in particular.
"Why are they heading there..."
All that laid there was the abandoned building. It didn't seem important to her. But she was in no position to rush out or follow them. If she got into a confrontation now, she had little chance of surviving without more ammo. All she could do now was wait it out till they finally lost interest.

He was running out of time.
They were closing in and he could have sworn their numbers had tripled.
"I need to do something."
He was completely blanking on what he needed to do. If only he had that sword.
He remembered the shield. He would need to use it soon if he was going to keep them back a little longer.
"Wait...the shield."
He acted fast. He launched one spike into the nearest monster. It was a direct hit. The spike widened as he had set it to do. Then he got ready with his right hand. He hoped he was correct about this. He launched a ball of pure crimson up into the air. Then he set orders for it to follow. It moved as he wanted it to. But he was too busy to marvel at this discovery.
He made the ball move towards the creature with the wider wound. Once it was inside, he initiated the final order. And waited....
Did it fail? Had he thought wrong about his discovery?
Then he only saw black.

As she sat there waiting for those things to stop appearing, she saw something dazzling in the direction they were heading.
"What th-"
The deafening boom seemed to stop the creatures cold. They all then turned and ran the other way.
When she looked up, she could see a large crimson blast from the air of the abandoned building, and more importantly, where the dazzling light had come from.
"There might have been someone there who needs help. I'd better start running. The building is pretty far from here."
She switched her sniper to safety and began her jog. She only hoped no one had been hurt in that large-scale blast.
His vision was blurred. He didn't know what had happened. He sat up, no obvious impairment to movement. That was good. He waited a little for his vision to clear up. His ears rang. His head hurt. He definitely wasn't walking straight.
His vision was still clearing. He thought he heard something. The ringing was starting to subside. He thought he could hear something. Was it to his right or to his left? Maybe it was behind him.

He stopped.She had arrived at a crater. It wasn't too deep, but it was pretty wide. Maybe half a km across. It wasn't her main focus though.
She had called a man staggering inside the crater a couple times now. She was about to slide down and get a better look at him. She began her decent.

He turned left.Was that what was calling me?
He saw the woman sliding down the side of something. His focus was coming back.

He looked around.She thought he might be assessing something. Was this his handy work?
She was at the bottom now. She saw he was pretty young, probably around her age. He was wearing a midnight black jacket and a black pair of cargo pants, though they looked like they'd been through hell. He had short brownish black hair, and was obviously Caucasian even with the dirt almost completely covering him. He looked at her with hazel eyes.

He had seen what looked like a crater. His vision was clearing up faster and faster, and so was his dazed mind. He looked back to where he had heard the noise. She was coming closer. He could definitely see the sniper rifle at her side.
His vision was practically clear or she had gotten close enough for it to focus properly, he couldn't tell. He saw a woman with black hair, her eyes were what caught him the most. They seemed to glow green. Her face was very clear now. She was Caucasian, maybe a slight, very slight tan, she had striking features, beautiful by any man's standards. He looked around again. Maybe his vision had cleared up by now.

She watched as he obviously checked her out. Then he suddenly looked around again.
"What are you looking at?"
"I'm trying to see where I am and what's happened."
"Can't you see we're in a small crater?"
"A crater?! Really?"
"Yes really."
"Then it worked!"
"What worked?"
"The bomb I had set off, it worked. It really worked, I can't believe it!"
He seemed to be overjoyed at the sudden destruction that had also decimated other people's homes.
"So you did this?!"
"Yes and it all went as planned."
He let out a laugh. She really wanted to put a bullet through this man.
"What do you mean 'as planned'? What about those caught in the blast?!"
"Who cares? They were mindless creatures anyway. They deserved to be destroyed."
He turned to face her, too late to notice the bang. He dropped to the ground, he thought he could feel something wet on his chest.
"That's what a murderer like you deserves."
She stood over him, His eyes on the smoking muzzle of her sniper.
He heard a bang....

She had emptied her clip with those last deserving shots. She began to walk away, surveying the devastation as she left the crater.
"Should have brought more ammo."

He could feel something moving him. He opened his eyes.
Why was he opening his eyes?
"Oh my head... What the hell happened?"
"Well, you were shot."
"That's what I remember. So why am I still here?"
"Well, you were already dead, so a shot to the head wasn't much of a problem for you."
"What do you mean I was already dead? You stupid second hand cloth, I'm still breathing and my heart is still beating."
"That's just the drawback of your origin."
"What are you talking about?!"
"Because of your origin, you have become immortal."
"What!!!"
"You're pretty much already dead. You still have a pulse and you don't need to breath or eat unless you don't want your body to start rotting."
"But wait, so I can't die?"
"Well you still can. A good destroying of your heart should do the trick."
"Then why aren't I dead?"
"Well if you hadn't so rudely interrupted me, I could have told you that... You aren't dead because I used a little life energy to deviate and slow the bullet."
"I have to say, it was a damn good shot."
"Oh great, so now you're praising the chick that tried to kill us."

"Umm... Are you all right sir?"
"What?"
His gaze came onto a boy possibly a little younger than him. Maybe seventeen? He had brown hair and a slightly childish face. He looked as though he were staring at a crazy person. His slightly long, wavy haired head ****ed to the side. It looked almost comical.
"Yeah I'm fine, I'm just talking to myself! So what's with you?"
"Huh?"
"Why did you bother with me?"
"I had nowhere else to go."
"What do you mean? Don't you have somewhere to shelter yourself?"
"I couldn't find one. I was trying to get away."
"Away from what?"
He heard the crash near him and the boy's eyes shrank in fear.
"So that's what you were running from."
He heard a few more crashes near him.
"You do know you can't use your origin right now. Your life energy isn't high enough and you don't have enough to switch elements."
"Don't worry. If there is one thing I realised from being on my back for so long–"
He reached behind him and felt it in the air. He pulled the pommel and swung it out in front of him. It was lighter than he expected. He could see it was obviously a two handed weapon so he took his stance.
"It just so happens that this thing has been on my back the whole bloody time."
He counted four of them. He was an obvious novice when using a sword but he had to make do. Maybe he could stall these things while the boy ran away. He thought what to do. He saw images of the sword in someone else's hand, using it amazingly.
"Maybe I could try and copy that."
He questioned why he had this kind of memory. Was this the sword teaching him, or was this part of his newfound powers?
"Argh, no time for that just yet. I need to focus before these things destroy us both."
He felt movement to his right. Careful to keep the boy to his back, he slashed at the disturbance in the air. The creature crumbled, cleaved in two.
The others learned from their companion's mistake. They both attacked at once and the third came from bellow them.
"Now how's that fair?!"
The memory seemed to flow through him with lightning speed. He exacted the movements. All three had been split with one slash each.
Now three.
Now five.
They all crumbled.
"What the.... Hell... Was that?"
"The sword isn't ordinary in anyway. What you just used was lovingly named 'Thousand Blades of the Reaper'."
"Thousand blades of the what?"
"It's named after one of the sword's forms, well, similarly named."
"This sword has forms?"
"Yes, it can split itself. Right now, it is complete, however it can take seven separate forms including the complete form."
"Care to elaborate?"
"The sword can split up into many forms one form splits the blade into a weapon more suited to being wielded simultaneously, there are also three different kinds of two handed weapons it can become. The version with the technique you just used is named 'Soul Reaper'"

"And what about the memories?"
"Those memories once belonged to your many predecessors, however you should see more memories from those of the same origin as yours"
"One more question"
"Umm sir?"
"Hmm what?"
"Where are we going to go now?"
"What do you mean by 'we'?"
"Well I thought–"
"You thought what? That we would travel around together?"
"Well–"

the missing stuff starts here again sorry for not noticing sooner

"Sorry kid but it's just too much trouble to need to babysit you"
He was shivering now, almost on the verge of tears; he knew what this decision meant for his chances of survival.
"Please! I can help you! You can't leave me here! Please I won't survive much longer! I-I can stay out of your way! I won't try and hinder you!"
"Fine, fine just stop your whining"
"Oh thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you"
"Whatever"
"So where are we heading?"
"I need to go somewhere quickly"
"Where?"
"There are some people I need to check up on".

Update 1: October 13th (It's a shame it isn't Friday) 2012

The debris whizzed past. The boy held on for dear life as the destination loomed ever closer.
"What's so important about this place?"
"The place doesn't matter. It's the people that were there."
"Why come here? Wouldn't they have run once this stuff started happening?"
"I don't think they ever got the chance..."

The boy brushed the dust off his shoulders. This man was clearly abnormal, no one should be able to run that fast. As he looked up, he saw that the man was edging closer to a broken gate. The man moved to the opening. The boy could barely hear something over the crunch of grass. Was it the dripping of something on hard floor maybe? The man seemed to twitch in time; was his hearing more sensitive than the boys?

The regular crunch of the grass, the stone, seemed to echo in the open air.
"Why does this feel so amiss?" the boy wondered.
The boy edged closer...
The drips grew louder...
The soft thud of a man falling...
He sat there, almost ghostly now, seeming to tremble, his face wet, and knees failing. The boy imagined how this must have felt; for him, the moment was but a few seconds. For this man, it must have been an eternity.

The creature still held a blood soaked bear. Claws that pierced the soft chest would have killed it instantly, had there been a soul within...

A sudden rustle from the boy's right, only now he noticed how tall the man was. He was different somehow. His eyes radiated crimson.
"Wasn't his eyes some sort of brown?" the boy touched the man's arm.
"RUN YOU IDIOT, JUST GET OUT OF HERE! WE'LL FIND YOU SOON, JUST RUN, FIND SOMEWHERE TO HIDE!"
The boy had barely registered the shock, but his legs already moved. The sounds of stone being crushed were deafeningly loud in this silence.

His breath was ragged. He neared a house. It's interior was still warm, no sign of the creatures anywhere, and the clock seemed to work. It's ticking was his only company while he sat.

He woke to droplets of rain. His head hurt and his left arm seared with pain.
"What...happened?"

The world was a blur; he could still here it though now it was much louder.
"Come on just a little more"
She stood there surrounded by 10 of the creatures, her blonde hair wavered in the wind and her face lit up from the muzzle flash of her gun.
She had no chance.
"Well I might as well waste some energy I haven't had much action this week"
He entered the open area, the beasts lost interest immediately and so it seems did the girl.
"Wow I didn't realize I stuck out so much"
His arm pulsed, or to be more accurate, the emblem that now covered most of his right arm like a tattoo
"So lets see how guys like this, I've been trying to perfect it for a while"
He placed his arms on the ground, the monsters made their move
"Too slow"
The spikes pierced through the creatures almost instantly, about 4 more rushed on.
"Tch guess I wasn't fast enough"
His hand went to his back; the girl screamed what sounded like a warning. They were upon him now. Each claw eager to tear flesh

She couldn't believe her eyes. This man just killed ten of those things like it was nothing, as if this was just a game. The last 4 lay 'dead' all of them cut to pieces, the man stood there with two swords in his hand. When did he get those out?
"So are you alright?"
"..."
"I'll take your silence and that look on your face as a yes"
"So what are you doing out here?"
"What?"
He let his face smile at her reaction
"I don't normally see people alone especially if they're well equipped"
"I got separated"
"Hmm well I can't help you there I only kill these things I don't actively look for people"
"You don't need to look I just need a phone"
"Hmm alright that's easy enough to find"
"What you still have a working phone out here?"
"Of course, we don't use it much though"
"But how do you get the power to run it, the smog covers and sun and the power lines have been down a long time now"
"Ha who needs power lines when you've got me"

She was light; he was back at 'base' with little time loss.
"Oy  Dex open up"
"Right, just one second"
"Yeah yeah yeah just hurry it up"
"There's another person?"
"What, you didn't think I'd picked up a stray through this whole ordeal?"
The door opened after the familiar sound of the bolts shifting, he had to admit when the kid put his mind to it he could really work wonders.
"Sorry I was just reconfiguring the locks so there isn't any risk of a jam anymore"
"What for? These babies haven't broken once before"
"We don't want to risk it, by the way thanks for that boo-"
His head had poked out from the mechanically bolted doorway.
"You have got to be kidding me"
"Dex meet Melody, Melody this is Dex"

You could here a penny drop, Dex continued to stare as much hate at James as possible and James just acted as if he didn't exist.
"So James you said you had a phone I could use?"
"Right about that..."
"I've got it but our power is precious enough as is so I'm in my right mind to just send you packing"
"Ahh come on kid you need to at least let her call her buddies, besides since when was our power supp-"
"No! You're the one who decided to bring someone else here you know we can't handle too many people or we'll start getting harassed by those gangs"
"Right gangs I could easily take care of if you'd just let me fig-"
"And what good would that do you know as well as i do they're only the small fry we don't want to be the target for a small army's attacks"
"Come on you know as well as I do I could take down an army of people with just my finger"
"Yeah well when you can do it without accidentally killing someone then you're allowed to be a hero until then-"
"HEY"
They both looked in her general direction.
"What does this have to do with me calling someone so I can get out of your way"
"Well you see mister paranoid here decided that using a phone might lead them here if they could trace the signal and since electricity is at a bit of a premium..."
"What if i could get them to help you deal with your problem"
"And what good would that do? The only reason he hasn't beat anyone up yet is because he might just end up killing some of them"
"Well the only other way is to take me straight there"
"Well then great we'll do that then where's your hideout"
"Wait wait wait since when were we helping her get back James"
"Since I decided to help her about 30 seconds ago"
"We can't just leave this place ungua-"
"Dex you know just as well as I do this place isn't unguarded the door alone could stop a tank round the place will be fine till we get back"
"But-"
"No buts we are helping melody get back and that is final"
As he exited the room the younger man just sighed in annoyance
"Umm... sorry"
"It's fine he's been like this the whole time I've known him"
"How long have you known him?"
"Since this all started"
"So two years"
"Man... It's really been two years huh"
the sigh only deepened the effects of the past two years
"Alright well knowing James he'll want to go as soon as possible so you want to go get ready anything's fine as long as it'll protect you from a good hit, we'll meet you at the front door"

The path to Melody's group hideout was not particularly dangerous but she had already warned them multiple times:
"Don't get too close or my sis will take the first shot she sees"
"Hmm nice sister"
"She just thinks you kidnapped me or something she's kind of..."
"Protective?"
"That doesn't even begin to cover her over-protectiveness
"Good to know"
"Well then this'll be fun"

They neared what looked like a cabin, with it's windows wide open.
"Well that seems like a good sign, come on lets get you back with your friends"
"Wait maybe I should go firs-"
His blood splattered behind him, his left arm had a gaping hole in it.
"Oh god, quick get back here"
"Grr it's just a scratch I've survived worse more importantly..."
He stepped to his right, the dust kicked up to about a meter
"Tch is that all you got"
He placed his arm on the ground and a solid block of wall appeared in front of him
The shots continued to pelt down each one was dead on, each shot attacking the last shots bullet hole
He began to move forward picking up the wall with his left arm like it was nothing
He was half way there when he made a final dash for the cabin
"Wait James don't!"
He dropped the shield and sprinted up the wall he was inside the building in seconds
"Cover your ears!"
"What?"
"Just do it Dex"

The cabin erupted in a great ball of flames. She watched as the man she had killed once died again by her own hands.
"Hmph. What a waste of a good trap."
"I know, and it was such a nice surprise."
She froze. Slowly her body turned to face the man who she had just seen die.
"Long time no see. Name's James, and you would be?"

"Is this place a farm or something?"
"It used to be. Our father never really farmed much though."
She began to sprint. She needed to get there quickly before anyone else died.

"Y-you shouldn't be alive."
"Hmm, isn't it common courtesy to give somebody your name after you've just been given theirs?"
"You can shove your civil right up you-"
She only felt the cold steel on her throat. How had he gotten behind her so quickly? Why was she so afraid? Was she really going to die here?

She burst into the room; he stood there with his sword on her throat and her gun pointed at the door.
"Glad to see you join the party, but I think you're a bit late."
"H-how... I saw you... You were... He was meant to be dead right?"
"Umm, does anybody want to maybe do something about the situation?"
The three just stood there dumbfounded, James slowly put his sword away once Melody's sister had dropped her gun.
"Now then, I think you have some questions to answer."

They sat in a small circle of chairs; the living room lit only by a fireplace. The pictures and knickknacks on top of it truly brightened up the mood of the situation.
"So tell us, how did you escape that trap?"
"It was easy, I just never went in."
"What do you mean you never went in?! I saw you jump through the window."
"We saw the same thing from the bushes."
"Ha, what you saw was just the light tricking you."
"What?"
"Bullshit"
"James, please explain."
"It was an illusion. An image created using the surrounding light to make you think I had jumped through the window of the building."
"But we would have seen two of you if you'd done that."
The fact she didn't connect the dots surprised him slightly
"Hmph. If I can make an illusion of myself with light, then making myself invisible is no problem."
Dex just nodded in understanding, Melody and her sister just sat there confused. They really hadn't gotten the bigger picture.
"Say, where's Nathan?"
"He was out looking for you. He should be heading back though, after this idiot set off our loudest trap."
"Wait a minute..."
"Don't give me orders you lowlife no goo-"
"shut it for a sec, I'm trying to listen."
"Get your hand off my mou-"
"Well looks like it's time for me to get going."
"WHAT! Oh no, I'm not letting you go till I give you a good kick in the nuts."
"Ugh, so sophisticated, well it'll have to wait."
"And why is that?"
"Because they're already here."

Update 2: December 10th (dedicating this to old gramps, keep chopping that wood my dear friend, may your stay up there be enjoyable) 2012

The sky was still crimson as they stepped outside. The group was met with quite the sight. The man sped across the field followed by one hundred or so of the stone creatures.
"So who the hell's the poor bastard?"
"That would be our brother," the sisters said, their voices tinged with worry
"Well I guess I better go save his sorry ass"
The girls stared in bewilderment as this man walked carelessly towards the mass of stone.
You realize how reckless you're being boy
A little reckless maybe
You barely have enough life energy with that stunt you pulled the only way to survive now is through pure skill
No way, I'll do something a little more... risky
You aren't going to...
That I am raggy now then shut up and let me do my work
YOU IDIOT DON'T YOU DA–
James tossed aside the jacket he had worn till now. His breaths became more steadied, his mind was clear now.
"You better be worth this you idiot," he muttered

He took his two blades off of his back. They were both mirror images of each other, weirdly shaped blades that seemed to be twisting upwards. One was a silvery black and the other a twilight gold.

He stood there for a few seconds.
"Just a little closer..."
The man began to run even faster. The claws were catching up to his shirt.
"What are you waiting for he's in trouble" yelled melody
The footsteps neared behind him, the footsteps in front of him grew more laboured.
"I shouldn't have relied on you, useless ass"
"Now..." he whispered
"What?"
He disappeared. They all stared at the empty space in disbelief, suddenly a noise could be heard from the pack. The sound of stone crumbling and the sound of metal clashing with stone.

He moved as quickly as he could, his blades moved almost by themselves.
"thirty-seven," his voiceless mouth muttered

Nathan had finally managed to sprint towards his older sister.
"Oh thank god!"
"Nathan are you hurt?"
"No Just in shock"
The noises grew louder and became more frequent now, 'what was going on?' she thought.

The pain was becoming unbearable; guess this is what happens when you use your inner-energy to execute a skill like this
"Just... 27... more"

The number of creatures had dropped dramatically there was only 24 now and they were crumbling even faster
"What the hell is this guy?!" she exclaimed
Even the boy who had travelled with him was bewildered by this display.

He was beginning to black out; his vision was blurring and blotting.
"Three........................................................................... more"

He reappeared as the last fell. He walked towards her, and placed his hand on her shoulder.
"Take... care... of Dex... for me."
"Why should I loo–"
he blacked out in front of her.
< by surgeypurgey

Pokeh

how old are you and when did u start writing? :o

ill read it later if i have the courage to go through it all. You should also google some online writing communities cuz they help a lot and try writing some free verse in deviantart or smth O:-)

nourr993

wow this was the longest text i read this whole summer
it was a bit fun and since english isn't my language i might have misunderstood some parts
and it made my my imagination work
so the hero have psy-super-power :-\ and he's escorted with a jacket haunted by a guide (like zelda's cap)  :-\ or someting and he's immortal
lookin forward for the nxt part
Server   :High   / Low
Name   :Morocco   / Morocco
Level   :221   / 160

Quote from: Dewo on September 20, 2012, 03:11:35 PM
Worst Thread Maker: nourr993

Xkiller712

Good job, but try to work on the dialogue.  It's hard to follow.


Rossbach

Not reading until Allie reply's if it is good or not.   ::)





Omnomnom eating toast.

Adamp

i was honestly gonna read it, but then i saw how long it was, someone summarize it all for me plz?

KillerPig

Quote from: Adamp on September 17, 2012, 05:43:39 PM
i was honestly gonna read it, but then i saw how long it was, someone summarize it all for me plz?
well wats the point of that

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Adamp

Quote from: KillerPig on September 17, 2012, 07:11:02 PM
Quote from: Adamp on September 17, 2012, 05:43:39 PM
i was honestly gonna read it, but then i saw how long it was, someone summarize it all for me plz?
well wats the point of that
that i don't have to read it all

xbaras

The starts really grabbing, but
Quote from: Adamp on September 17, 2012, 05:43:39 PM
i was honestly gonna read it, but then i saw how long it was, someone summarize it all for me plz?

lugiaXDG009

Quote from: Pokeh on September 16, 2012, 02:04:35 PM
how old are you and when did u start writing? :o

ill read it later if i have the courage to go through it all. You should also google some online writing communities cuz they help a lot and try writing some free verse in deviantart or smth O:-)

i am 17 i started writing this about 2 or 3 months ago

do you have any sites you recommend?
cause that might help
< by surgeypurgey

lugiaXDG009

Quote from: Xkiller712 on September 16, 2012, 09:44:15 PM
Good job, but try to work on the dialogue.  It's hard to follow.

sorry i tried to make it kind of obvious who was talking by the way they talk unfortunately i may have failed at it but i would prefer not having those bits like "james said" or "the jacket remarked" but if it becomes a real problem then i will need to fix it
< by surgeypurgey

lugiaXDG009

for those of you opting out of reading the huge block of text i apologize but it will be the one and only time such a large amount of text will need to be read i will be posting about 1000 words every month minimum but i will try not to go overboard with it :P

so that is all it shouldn't be too difficult to find the updates but if there is any trouble with finding where the next update starts please notify me as soon as possible
< by surgeypurgey

nourr993

i've read it all the day it was posted . well, that means there are lazier people than me
Server   :High   / Low
Name   :Morocco   / Morocco
Level   :221   / 160

Quote from: Dewo on September 20, 2012, 03:11:35 PM
Worst Thread Maker: nourr993

lugiaXDG009

September 22, 2012, 01:11:07 AM #13 Last Edit: September 22, 2012, 01:13:04 AM by lugiaXDG009
ok so i have only just noticed that the block of text i copied and pasted didn't paste the whole story if you have read the story you will notice that around the point where james says "it's too much trouble" it just cuts off it isn't meant to cut off there there are about 50 or so words missing and i apologise for not noticing earlier i will be putting the bit that was missing in now

another thing i would like to know is:

how often do you want me to post updates to the story?

right now i am going to be posting additions to the story every month but it will most likely be a thousand words or more added each time unless i get lazy about it

so would you prefer i posted every week with possibly less content added but much more frequent (yes i just stated the obvious)

or

would you prefer i keep it at a month and add the stated 1000 or so words less frequently (again i know i am stating the obvious but whatever)
< by surgeypurgey

Pokeh

ima go over this tomorrow

and sorry im looking for these sites as well, try asking someone who writes online

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