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a story i am writing

Started by lugiaXDG009, September 16, 2012, 11:45:44 AM

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lugiaXDG009

alright so i am doing this on the other forum i post to as well, and that is notifying that i have updated the story

the update shouldn't be too difficult too find if it is please notify me

i will not be posting next month as my final exams are going on in the next 4 weeks to make up for it i will be writing a double what i normally write for the December update so look forward to a lot of reading before christmas mwahahahahahaha
< by surgeypurgey

Pokeh

the site was topwritings.com or something but it apparently shut down.


yeah i'll bookmark this thread so i can read it over someday when i can be assed :P

nourr993

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Quote from: Dewo on September 20, 2012, 03:11:35 PM
Worst Thread Maker: nourr993

Pokeh

lol i knew i forgot something.


skimmed through it. it needs less dialogue. you seem to be stretching it more than you have to. try describing the scenario instead of having your characters act it out.

lugiaXDG009

thanks for the criticism i will see how it will be you gotta remember i intend to make this a game if i get into the course i want so the actual story is kind of aimed at that (basically i know how i want stuff to look and kind of haven't been bothering with it because i hope to make the environment anyway) but i will see what i can do about that after i finish my tests

i am thinking of a story that i plan on making a proper story you know descriptions and shtuff but that is still in the works till the 10th of november when all my shit with school will be worked out.
< by surgeypurgey

Pokeh

i like the way its heading though. good job keep it up :p

nourr993

Server   :High   / Low
Name   :Morocco   / Morocco
Level   :221   / 160

Quote from: Dewo on September 20, 2012, 03:11:35 PM
Worst Thread Maker: nourr993

lugiaXDG009

< by surgeypurgey

nourr993

ik this is an old post but bee=b you=u emm=m pee=p i was bumping this so people would read ur work
and bump :|
v propbably someone loling my post
Server   :High   / Low
Name   :Morocco   / Morocco
Level   :221   / 160

Quote from: Dewo on September 20, 2012, 03:11:35 PM
Worst Thread Maker: nourr993

lugiaXDG009

Quote from: nourr993 on November 13, 2012, 05:59:49 PM
ik this is an old post but bee=b you=u emm=m pee=p i was bumping this so people would read ur work
and bump :|
v propbably someone loling my post

Thanks mate i was actually going to start posting more soon as my exams are over and i have another story i started writing so look forward to quite a bit in about a week from the fifteenth
< by surgeypurgey

lugiaXDG009

ok so i lied

it was a little longer than a week but unfortunately i can't control the shit that happens in life (like for example my computer being used for assignments and downloading shit 24/7 by my mother and auntie. Hooray for family)

so anyway this will be updated next week and to tide you over for a week (all 2 of you who are avidly reading this and itching to know what is going to happen next) i am writing a new story along side this one so please enjoy it and once again feedback is appreciated

http://boutcheetah.zylongaming.com/index.php?topic=35400.0
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
links up there by the way if it wasn't obvious. that will lead to my new story also any accusations of copying someone please bring it up i like striking assholes down who claim my ideas are copies of something else yes i am inspired by things but i never downright copy so there
< by surgeypurgey

lugiaXDG009

December 10, 2012, 09:11:23 AM #26 Last Edit: December 18, 2012, 07:48:52 PM by lugiaXDG009
welp update 2 is up and i must say i am extremely sorry for the huge break in the action.

i will be alternating between the two stories i am currently writing in other words next week i will be updating 'the necromancer' (hopefully) and the week after i will be updating this story and so on

the reason i have been a bit slow on this update is a family matter and unfortunately somebody i loved greatly isn't here anymore and so i took a week off of writing but i am back and i shall be posting regularly i hope and the reason the update is so short is because i wanted to stop it at that point anyway as the next bit will be quite long
< by surgeypurgey

lugiaXDG009

so it would seem that there is a character limit on these posts which sucks some immense balls so i guess every now and then i will need to post the updates as a whole new post which might break the flow of the story anyway if there are any suggestions on how to fix this problem (which i doubt there are any solutions for barring being an admin) i will be posting a new reply with the update once it is reached

there is another site that so far hasn't suffered from this problem that i am posting on but i won't go advertising that just in case

so anyway here it is


update 3: December 30th 2012 (world didn't end but my computer almost did)

He awoke to the familiar yellow walls that were his home. The fire gave them this illusion and gave him warmth in these cold days.
He stretched his lazy muscles and prepared his breakfast.
"Hmm I'll need some more bread soon..."
He cut his loaf into a few pieces and let the warmth of the forge do the rest.

He heard the squeak of the door announce his visitor; he turned to find a familiar face.
"So how goes the forge brother?" the man rumbled.
This familiar deep booming voice was somewhat calming to the man working his metal, it meant he still had a brother... that he was still alive.
"Same as always, expensive and unfulfilling."
"bahahahaha come now do you truly hate something you were born to do"
"hmph just because I am good at it does not mean I need to like it..."
Despite years of smithing the young man lacked the beefiness of other Blacksmiths however he was famed as the best in the land.
"So let me guess why you are gracing me with your presence oh brother of mine"
"Well it is obviously because I wish to see my brother"
"Your sword is out the back it's hard to miss even for you"
The mass of muscle and armour made it's way to the small area behind the forge.
There he picked up a large silvery sword engraved with a flowing design somewhat similar to water on one side and a vine of thorns on the other, on each side were segment pieces of the blade, gold on the side with the flowing engravement and black on the other side.
"Tis a fine blade brother," he swung the sword a few times, eventually placing it on his back ready to be used in battle "however the metal is unfamiliar to me"
"It shouldn't be, I created that blade by smelting a new ore that was found in a few mines not far from hear"
"Oh have they named this new metal"
"Aye, it was dubbed titanium there was very little of it only enough for one blade at the price being asked however I infused it with Diamonds"
"Diamonds! Well well well being a bit frugal are we brother"
"Bah what is money when I could make the finest blade in all the land!"
"Hoho what is this? I've never heard these words spoken with your voice before tis a strange day indeed"
The knock on the door broke their laughter.
"Commander Grim we must be leaving soon," announced the voice
The brothers lost all sense of friendliness at these words.
"I'll keep the wine cool for next time Grim"
"I'll be back before too long Death"
With his brother gone Death had nothing left to do but continue his life's calling he cursed being an Enchanted blacksmith some days. It had caused him to miss out on a life of glory as a soldier, and had caused his final moments with his brother to be a short one.

He awoke in the world he has been in for so long. How long had it been? His gaze fell upon the little strikes he had used to count what he thought were days, time was so hard to tell without a light in the sky.
He rose from his position in the centre and reached for his oldest friend. He practiced forms and fought invisible enemies till he tired. He then lodged his scythe back into place and leaned on it as he prepared to sleep once more he had practiced for so long, how long had it been? He stared at the strikes he used to tell how long he had worked for, time was so hard to tell when you were stuck in a lightless dimension.
< by surgeypurgey

Cooky

easy way to beat character limit

screenshot your post, then crop out everything besides the words

upload to image hosting website such as www.tinypic.com

post as an image

lugiaXDG009

Quote from: Cooky on December 30, 2012, 09:50:07 AM
easy way to beat character limit

screenshot your post, then crop out everything besides the words

upload to image hosting website such as www.tinypic.com

post as an image
Thank you kindly good sir if i feel bothered to do that next time i'm writing (you may not think i'm being serious but i am superbly forgetful and very lazy dangerous combo) i will although i feel it might be annoying looking at white with the background of the forum
< by surgeypurgey

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